Heart & Soul of a Single Dad

When I took on the responsibility of raising my daughter full time five years ago, I didn't know anything about raising a child independently.  The learning came fast and hard.  There were changes that I needed to make mentally, socially, career-wise, etc.  I received all sorts of feedback from men (saying we won) to women (either applauding my move or seemingly upset because my daughter resided with me).  The two things on the top of my mind were 1.  The judge asking was I ready and 2. My mother reminding me that men in my family took care of their children.  I was nervous and had to make my next move my best move.  So I prayed and asked God for guidance and grace. I was blessed with a team of women (friends and family) that helped ease my transition.  I was thrust into the position of setting hair appointments, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, school registration, etc.  The support of those women got me through the transitio...

Today is Father's Day and as I reflect on my circle of life ( being a grandson, son, and father) I realize how important it is for us as fathers to be present.  The impact of a Father on a child is immeasurable!  Father's have been tasked with providing and protecting but our role is much more expansive than that.  Our words and leadership either sets our children on a path of freedom or bondage.  Let's think about this.  How valuable is it for a child to look over at dad and hear dad say, "You can do it"?  Now, imagine the reverse.  Imagine the challenging time or even the celebration in which your child looks for you and you aren't there.  Imagine the impression it leaves. Our children are part us.  They are a reflection of our past self.  How will they know who they are if we don't tell them?  There is a generation of men who have been hurt by their father and/or lack of his presence in their life.  I feel your pa...

I heard about Shaken Baby Syndrome  in a meeting and subsequently had an opportunity to sit in on a training about the syndrome.  I'm glad I had the opportunity to partake in this training as I gained a wealth of knowledge that I can share to enlighten others and hopefully prevent at least one incident of shaken baby syndrome.  The training started off with a video which gave a visual glimpse of what causes the syndrome. Shaken Baby Syndrome is an aggressive shaking of a child most likely as a result of the child crying for extended periods of time. There are some common threads did stick out. Most perpetrators of the shaking are male (biological father or the current boyfriend of the mother).  Be mindful any person is capable of shaking the baby such as childcare providers, family members, etc.  Why do you say?  The other factors which include stress (family or financial), not being use to the child's crying, less familiar with the child's needs, etc...

My daughter and I participated in the Daddy and Me fashion show this past Saturday hosted by the Fatherhood P.R.I.D.E (Parental Responsibility Inspiring Dads Everywhere) program in Jacksonville, FL.  Fatherhood P.R.I.D.E. is a part of the Northeast Florida Healthy Start Coalition with the specific focus of providing comprehensive fatherhood services to the dads in Baker, Clay, Duval, Nassau and St. Johns counties.  It was our first time participating in a fashion show (my daughter and I had one prior opportunity but scheduling won't allow us to participate) and initially my daughter and I were excited as we thought is was a great idea and it created a special time for us to bond. I learned so much participating in the Daddy and Me Fashion show about my daughter, my myself, and the meaning of our interaction.  Leading up to the fashion show all was well but as the date grew near I must say I felt a little pressure.  What would we wear?  How many peop...

The theme around my last post dealt with fatherless sons specifically as it relates to young men coming of age without much male guidance.  In this post, I want to discuss how at times dad’s face many personal dilemmas which often leads to dad being on the outside looking in as it pertains to the decision-making process. I said it before and I'll say it again whenever and wherever possible a conscious decision has to be made to involve the father in the upbringing of his child(ren).   I know several fathers that want to play integral roles in their child’s life and/or redeem themselves as the “man” in the eyes of the family, on some occasions those eyes are their very own.  In our society, there is little sympathy and/or empathy for fathers and it shrinks when it appears the man has abandoned his responsibility to his children.  My intent isn’t to defend, make a case, or make an excuse.  What I want to do is cause the reader to look objectively at the dilemm...

The final installation in my “Fences” series highlights none other than Rose Maxson played by Viola Davis .   Her performance was so stellar she made history becoming the first black woman in history to win an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony award.  Her performance was stellar.  As Rose Maxon, Davis was the epitome of strength, poise, and grace.  She was the glue that kept her family together.  Rose married Troy, a sanitation worker after he was released from prison.   Troy had a child from a previous marriage and was frustrated due to the way his life turned out.  I remember a scene in the movie that jarred me.  Troy was saying how he gave everything he had and he didn’t have anything left to give.  He said he had been in the same place in life for 18 years and Rose said I’ve been here with you.  Wow!  Anyone that has faced challenges knows what an asset it is to have someone in your corner. Rose found a way to become a bu...

The setting for most of the film was in the backyard.  If the backyard could talk it would probably tell you about frustration, unmet dreams, and regret.  It’s where Troy poured out his soul to Bono, Lyons, Rose, and Corey.  One of the most poignant points from the vantage point of the father, in my opinion, was when Troy, Lyons (eldest son), and Bono (best friend) were in the backyard discussing Troy’s journey from youth to manhood.  It was a particular situation at home causing him to leave home at the tender age of 14 after a confrontation with his daddy.  As Troy went deeper he spoke on how he survived his early years of life on his own by committing crimes in order to feed himself and ultimately his woman and child.  The thing that made this part so important to me was earlier in the movie while trying to borrow some money Lyon’s made mention of Troy not being around to raise him now he had his answer.  Troy went to prison. This revelation g...

Recently I viewed the major motion film “Fences”.  In my opinion is was a great movie with an amazing cast.  Initially, when I went to view the film I went alone and I'm glad I did.  I wanted to soak up everything the film had to offer.  I received my wish, as I sat in the theater the film tapped into an every emotion that I have.  I was angry, sad, excited, and confused to the point that I got up from my seat to leave the theater and as I walked down the aisle I was pulled back into my seat.  I allowed the movie to take me on the journey from boy to man all over again. Fences forced me to look at manhood through a different lens.  A realistic one that delved deeply into the emotions of a man.  A frustrated man that seeks to provide for his family and find a place peace for himself in the midst of regrets and growing responsibility.  As a result, I reevaluated my trajectory from boy to man.  I don’t think I could have appreciated t...

In my previous blog Missing Fathers , I broached a subject that I believe needs more attention on a deeper scale.  The topic of Missing Fathers is poignant with a myriad of angles, that I’m revisiting the discussion in an attempt to do it more justice.  I’d also like to note that my intent is to always approach such subject matter from a solution-oriented mindset. As I watch the news, research related statistics and observe Jacksonville’s culture, I realize missing fathers is a huge problem, and the effects of their absence manifests in the children and communities  I have noticed many community-based initiatives now exist  with one goal: to “save” the children. One glaring flaw, in my opinion, is the fact that most of the efforts fail to appropriately re-insert the father into the family or the life of his children.  Leading me to question whether that these efforts seek to replace fathers or capitalize off of their absences rather than create br...