Heart & Soul of a Single Dad

My daughter and I participated in the Daddy and Me fashion show this past Saturday hosted by the Fatherhood P.R.I.D.E (Parental Responsibility Inspiring Dads Everywhere) program in Jacksonville, FL.  Fatherhood P.R.I.D.E. is a part of the Northeast Florida Healthy Start Coalition with the specific focus of providing comprehensive fatherhood services to the dads in Baker, Clay, Duval, Nassau and St. Johns counties.  It was our first time participating in a fashion show (my daughter and I had one prior opportunity but scheduling won't allow us to participate) and initially my daughter and I were excited as we thought is was a great idea and it created a special time for us to bond. I learned so much participating in the Daddy and Me Fashion show about my daughter, my myself, and the meaning of our interaction.  Leading up to the fashion show all was well but as the date grew near I must say I felt a little pressure.  What would we wear?  How many peop...

The theme around my last post dealt with fatherless sons specifically as it relates to young men coming of age without much male guidance.  In this post, I want to discuss how at times dad’s face many personal dilemmas which often leads to dad being on the outside looking in as it pertains to the decision-making process. I said it before and I'll say it again whenever and wherever possible a conscious decision has to be made to involve the father in the upbringing of his child(ren).   I know several fathers that want to play integral roles in their child’s life and/or redeem themselves as the “man” in the eyes of the family, on some occasions those eyes are their very own.  In our society, there is little sympathy and/or empathy for fathers and it shrinks when it appears the man has abandoned his responsibility to his children.  My intent isn’t to defend, make a case, or make an excuse.  What I want to do is cause the reader to look objectively at the dilemm...

(The boy has become a man) One day the fatherless son will become a man and potentially a father.  If the current trends continue he won’t have a frame of reference as to how a father is supposed to conduct himself in the home.  In addition to that most outside influences will not be reaffirming to him if he watches movies, looks at television, watches sports, or listens to most music the influence of Dad is seldom highlighted and if so it’s pain because of his absence.. This is a dilemma that deserves our collective attention.  For decades the father has represented security, provision, guidance, and quiet strength.  Without this vital part of the equation, the family is at high risk for collapse.  The mother must do what is necessary to raise the family on her own and keep her best foot forward while inwardly holding resentment towards a man that left her.  While mom is dealing with the priorities of the home in an age where is almost a necessi...

The very idea of manhood is complex.  If you ask 10 people how they define manhood you may get 10 different answers.  Yet, if you ask those same men about their journey even though the actual steps may be different there will be common threads.  The commonality is where the opportunity to build lives. Admittedly so there isn’t a manual provided to a parent once a child is born detailing the steps necessary to raise their new bundle of joy.  With that being said all one can do is be the best parent they can be.  In many cases Dad’s draw on the experience of their family structure which provides some structure.  That's if there was a man in the house otherwise it's solely on the job training without the benefit of a previous model.  There are several adaptations to this model, the father/father figure may have had a rough upbringing, there may not be a male figure in the home at all.  This tremendously hinders development on the journe...

The final installation in my “Fences” series highlights none other than Rose Maxson played by Viola Davis .   Her performance was so stellar she made history becoming the first black woman in history to win an Oscar, Emmy, and Tony award.  Her performance was stellar.  As Rose Maxon, Davis was the epitome of strength, poise, and grace.  She was the glue that kept her family together.  Rose married Troy, a sanitation worker after he was released from prison.   Troy had a child from a previous marriage and was frustrated due to the way his life turned out.  I remember a scene in the movie that jarred me.  Troy was saying how he gave everything he had and he didn’t have anything left to give.  He said he had been in the same place in life for 18 years and Rose said I’ve been here with you.  Wow!  Anyone that has faced challenges knows what an asset it is to have someone in your corner. Rose found a way to become a bu...

Last week I wrote about the frustrations of a man in consideration of the movie “Fences”.  When I began this series of my Fatherhood blog dedicated to digging deeper into the movie my intent was to explore the array of feelings that arose inside of me as I sat in the theater.  As I stated in the first blog this movie took me on the journey from boy to man and eventually father all over again. Troy (Denzel Washington) has 2 sons.  Lyons (Russell Hornsby) who was born out of wedlock before Troy went to prison and Cory (Jovan Adepo) who was born in wedlock and saw Troy in the home on a daily basis.  Lyons once confronted Troy about his absence in his life in the living room of Troy’s home but when the backyard conversation happened when Troy talked about his upbringing it felt as if Lyons came terms with his father as he understood Troy a lot better.  Cory on the other hand had Troy in the home and their relationship was troublesome, to put it mildly. ...

The setting for most of the film was in the backyard.  If the backyard could talk it would probably tell you about frustration, unmet dreams, and regret.  It’s where Troy poured out his soul to Bono, Lyons, Rose, and Corey.  One of the most poignant points from the vantage point of the father, in my opinion, was when Troy, Lyons (eldest son), and Bono (best friend) were in the backyard discussing Troy’s journey from youth to manhood.  It was a particular situation at home causing him to leave home at the tender age of 14 after a confrontation with his daddy.  As Troy went deeper he spoke on how he survived his early years of life on his own by committing crimes in order to feed himself and ultimately his woman and child.  The thing that made this part so important to me was earlier in the movie while trying to borrow some money Lyon’s made mention of Troy not being around to raise him now he had his answer.  Troy went to prison. This revelation g...