Heart & Soul of a Single Dad

Being a father is a full-time job.  The day I learned that I was a father my life changed forever and I must say it changed for the better.  My daughter brought the best out of me immediately.  I knew at that moment whatever excuse I had for not chasing my dreams or being my best self-was null and void.  As I held my daughter innately, I knew I had to blaze of a path that would last for generations.  I read Proverbs 13:22 in the King James Version (KJV) which says "22 A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children's children: and the wealth of the sinner is laid up for the just."  The verse didn't say how it just announced as a father it was my responsibility. There wasn't a manual on how to be a man, a father, or an active co-parent.  I learned some hard lessons immediately.  My daughter's mother and I weren't together when our daughter was born.  So in the eyes of the system and some members of the public, mom has all the rights an...

2017, has been a challenging year for my family.  I often heard that it's the challenges that make us stronger.  Those words have given me solace during the tougher days.  In July, my paternal grandfather passed away.  Then October 25 my Uncle passed away.  Earlier this year I wrote a blog, My Grandfather's Legacy , which shared a few thoughts on how my grandfather's presence in my life influenced my path.  My Uncle Lester left a great impression on my life as well.  Several times during this year and the years past I had to rely on my Uncle's wisdom.  Life came at me really fast and there were times I was so caught up in my movements I didn't get a chance to live and enjoy the things that I worked for.  My Uncle told me a couple things that have served me well and I'm sure it will continue to serve me in the future. 1.  Be true to yourself.  Define yourself for yourself and don't let others tell you who you are. 2.  B...

I heard about Shaken Baby Syndrome  in a meeting and subsequently had an opportunity to sit in on a training about the syndrome.  I'm glad I had the opportunity to partake in this training as I gained a wealth of knowledge that I can share to enlighten others and hopefully prevent at least one incident of shaken baby syndrome.  The training started off with a video which gave a visual glimpse of what causes the syndrome. Shaken Baby Syndrome is an aggressive shaking of a child most likely as a result of the child crying for extended periods of time. There are some common threads did stick out. Most perpetrators of the shaking are male (biological father or the current boyfriend of the mother).  Be mindful any person is capable of shaking the baby such as childcare providers, family members, etc.  Why do you say?  The other factors which include stress (family or financial), not being use to the child's crying, less familiar with the child's needs, etc...

(The boy has become a man) One day the fatherless son will become a man and potentially a father.  If the current trends continue he won’t have a frame of reference as to how a father is supposed to conduct himself in the home.  In addition to that most outside influences will not be reaffirming to him if he watches movies, looks at television, watches sports, or listens to most music the influence of Dad is seldom highlighted and if so it’s pain because of his absence.. This is a dilemma that deserves our collective attention.  For decades the father has represented security, provision, guidance, and quiet strength.  Without this vital part of the equation, the family is at high risk for collapse.  The mother must do what is necessary to raise the family on her own and keep her best foot forward while inwardly holding resentment towards a man that left her.  While mom is dealing with the priorities of the home in an age where is almost a necessi...

Last week I wrote about the frustrations of a man in consideration of the movie “Fences”.  When I began this series of my Fatherhood blog dedicated to digging deeper into the movie my intent was to explore the array of feelings that arose inside of me as I sat in the theater.  As I stated in the first blog this movie took me on the journey from boy to man and eventually father all over again. Troy (Denzel Washington) has 2 sons.  Lyons (Russell Hornsby) who was born out of wedlock before Troy went to prison and Cory (Jovan Adepo) who was born in wedlock and saw Troy in the home on a daily basis.  Lyons once confronted Troy about his absence in his life in the living room of Troy’s home but when the backyard conversation happened when Troy talked about his upbringing it felt as if Lyons came terms with his father as he understood Troy a lot better.  Cory on the other hand had Troy in the home and their relationship was troublesome, to put it mildly. ...

The setting for most of the film was in the backyard.  If the backyard could talk it would probably tell you about frustration, unmet dreams, and regret.  It’s where Troy poured out his soul to Bono, Lyons, Rose, and Corey.  One of the most poignant points from the vantage point of the father, in my opinion, was when Troy, Lyons (eldest son), and Bono (best friend) were in the backyard discussing Troy’s journey from youth to manhood.  It was a particular situation at home causing him to leave home at the tender age of 14 after a confrontation with his daddy.  As Troy went deeper he spoke on how he survived his early years of life on his own by committing crimes in order to feed himself and ultimately his woman and child.  The thing that made this part so important to me was earlier in the movie while trying to borrow some money Lyon’s made mention of Troy not being around to raise him now he had his answer.  Troy went to prison. This revelation g...

Recently I viewed the major motion film “Fences”.  In my opinion is was a great movie with an amazing cast.  Initially, when I went to view the film I went alone and I'm glad I did.  I wanted to soak up everything the film had to offer.  I received my wish, as I sat in the theater the film tapped into an every emotion that I have.  I was angry, sad, excited, and confused to the point that I got up from my seat to leave the theater and as I walked down the aisle I was pulled back into my seat.  I allowed the movie to take me on the journey from boy to man all over again. Fences forced me to look at manhood through a different lens.  A realistic one that delved deeply into the emotions of a man.  A frustrated man that seeks to provide for his family and find a place peace for himself in the midst of regrets and growing responsibility.  As a result, I reevaluated my trajectory from boy to man.  I don’t think I could have appreciated t...

In my previous blog Missing Fathers , I broached a subject that I believe needs more attention on a deeper scale.  The topic of Missing Fathers is poignant with a myriad of angles, that I’m revisiting the discussion in an attempt to do it more justice.  I’d also like to note that my intent is to always approach such subject matter from a solution-oriented mindset. As I watch the news, research related statistics and observe Jacksonville’s culture, I realize missing fathers is a huge problem, and the effects of their absence manifests in the children and communities  I have noticed many community-based initiatives now exist  with one goal: to “save” the children. One glaring flaw, in my opinion, is the fact that most of the efforts fail to appropriately re-insert the father into the family or the life of his children.  Leading me to question whether that these efforts seek to replace fathers or capitalize off of their absences rather than create br...

During the past two decades, maybe even more, there has been a seeming mass exodus of fathers from both the home and the basic involvement in their children’s lives.  I think there is a variety of reasons that play a role in this epidemic, starting with systematic separation, which involves child support, visitation, etc.  Other factors include the mass incarceration of young minorities, a lack of appropriate male role models and even plain-old walking away from family responsibilities. Whatever the reason, the subsequent effects on child development can be excruciatingly painful. The ripple effects are long-term and costly to both local communities and our nation on the whole.  Missing fathers create voids in their children’s psyche, which may seem insignificant for several years. Single mothers may not even recognize the debilitating effects of fatherless homes as they spend their days tirelessly working to to maintain their homes their children lack knowledge ...

I’ve used my blog to connect with readers since 2011, and this intimate communication method has served meaningful purposes for me. I have found blogging to be a genuine form of self expression that allows me to write in a public forum as I write longer pieces that will be included in my upcoming books. During the past 5 years, I’ve learned so much about communication, blogging, marketing, priorities but most importantly I’ve learned so much about myself.   I’ve learned about direction, focus, planning, and implementation.  As a result over the next year the content of my blog will shift slightly. Observing our current culture and society brings to light so many pertinent issues that so many groups and individuals struggle with every day. After learning more about my craft through renewed dedication, I’ve decided to primarily focus on my journey to fatherhood from the perspective on a particular topic that I carry with me every moment of my life. “Single father...